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Little Johnny Jokes

Little Johnny is about a small boy who likes to ask uneasy questions and has a very simple thinking. He is well educated in the language and innocent too. Little Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys his age he was rather interested. He has been hearing matter at school about courting and he finally built up the bravery to question his mother about this subject. Instead of explaining thing to little Johnny she told him to watch his older sister and her boyfriend from behind the curtains. This he did and the following morning he told his mother everything that happened.

Little Johnny Jokes:

  1. Ms. Smith stopped to reprove Johnny for making faces: “Johnny, when I was small, my mother used to tell me that if I made ugly faces, at some moment it would freeze and stay like that.” Johnny looked up at her and thoughtfully replied: “Well, Ms. Smith, you can’t say you weren’t forewarned.”
  2. The teacher asks everyone in the class to demonstrate something exciting. When Johnny’s turn came, he walked to the blackboard and drew a small dot. “What’s that?” the teacher asked, puzzled. “It’s a period.” – “Well, I see that, but what’s exciting about a period?” – “Darned if I know, but this morning my sister said she missed one. Dad had a heart attack, mom fainted, and the guy next door shot himself.”
  3. A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
    She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid, stand up!”
    After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
    The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?”
    “No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”
  4. Little Johnny was not paying attention in class so the math teacher called on him and said, “Johnny! What are 5, 2, 28 and 40?” Little Johnny quickly replied, “NBC, CBS, HBO, and Cartoon Network!”
  5. Little Johnny’s class were on an outing to their local police station where they saw pictures, of the ten most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin board. On the way out of the police station Little Johnny said to the officer, “it was so nice of you to put my daddy’s picture up there.”
  6. Little Johnny was not paying attention in class so the math teacher called on him and said, “Johnny! What are 5, 2, 28 and 40?” Little Johnny quickly replied, “NBC, CBS, HBO, and Cartoon Network!”
  7. Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in Math.
    “Why?” asks the father
    “The teacher asked, “How much is 2×3?” and I said 6″
    “But that’s right”?!
    “Yes, but then she asked me, “How much is 3×2?”
    “What’s the fucking difference?” asks the father
    “That’s what I said!”
  8. A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed
    by his mom’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning,
    “Ohh I need a man, I need a man!”.
    Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.
    One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning.
    When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.
    Quickly little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes,
    threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning,
    “Ohh I need a bike, I need a bike!”
  9. The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers yet.
    “Yes, teacher,” he said, “my dad taught me.”
    “Good, Johnny. Tell me what comes after two,” the teacher said.
    “Three,” replied little Johnny.
    “Very good. What comes after five, Johnny?” asked the teacher.
    “Six,” answered little Johnny.
    “Excellent. Your dad did a very good job.
    Now, what comes after ten?” the teacher asked.
    “A Jack!” replied little Johnny.
  10. Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He says, “Hey, Dad! What are you doing?”
    His father says, “I’m filling your mother’s tank.”
    Johnny says, “Oh, yeah? Well, you should get a model that gets better mileage. The milkman filled her this morning.”
  11. Teaching an English lesson, the teacher wrote on the board, fully aware of the grammar errors:
    “I aren’t had no fun in months”
    “Now, how should I correct this sentence.”
    “Get a new boyfriend,” said Little Johnny.
  12. Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, “Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.” Little Johnny looked up and replied, “Well, Ms Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.”
  13. Little Johnny goes over to little Billy’s house and rings the bell.
    His mother answers and Johnny asks if Billy can come and play war in the street with his friends.
    Billy’s mother says to Johnny, “You know Billy doesn’t have any arms or legs.”
    Johnny replies, “I know, but we want to use him as a sandbag.”

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