Jokes

Girl: Do you know, married men live longer than single man do?
Boy: Do you know married men are a lot more willing to die?

First friend: Dear, i love lipsticks, they are very tasty.
Next Day..
Second friend: You are liar, i bought 10 lipsticks and ate them.

Ek bhakt ashram me ja ke swami ji se bola: Swami ji, mera Puja e mann nai lagta,
kya karu?
Swami Ji: Us Puja ko mere pas bhej do, shayad mera man lag jaye.

Ravan ne Ram Ji se mafi mangne ka faisla kiya aur Ayodhya aaya.
Door knock kiya.
Ram Ji ne door khola.
Ravan Stands Thinking
Guess What?
Kis Mooh Se Maafi Maangu?

Ek pakistani sadak pe red light jump karta hai.
Police officer: Kya tum ko red light nazar nahi aayi.
Pakistani: Red light to nazar aai thi, par aap nazar nahi aaye.

Sardar had twins. He named them Tin and Martin.
Again had twins and named them Peter and Repeater.
Again twins and named them Max and Climax.
Again the same. Disgusted Sardar named them Tired & Retired.

A Teacher lecturing on population –
In India after every 10 sec a
woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up say – we must find and stop her.

Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with “T”.
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai.
Hamaari gaadi to petrol se start hoti hai.

Interviewer : Tell me the opposite of good.
Sardar : Bad.
Interviewer : Come.
Sardar : Go.
Interviewer : Ugly.
Sardar : Pichhlli.
Interviewer : U G L Y?
Sardar : PICHHLLY !!!!!!!
Interviewer : Shut Up.
Sardar : Keep Talking.
Interviewer : Get Out.
Sardar : Come In.
Interviewer : Oh my God.
Sardar : Oh my Devil.
Interviewer : You are Rejected.
Sardar : I am Selected. BALLE BALLLE.

Santa te Banta kisi da afsos karan gaye.
Ik kudi Bante de gal lag ke ron lag payi.
Santa to girl: Idhar aao ji, eh mere vi ohi lagde si jo Bante de lagde si.

Punjabi Teacher: Kaka tenu pata hai teri umar vich Mahatma Gandhi ne B.A. kar lia si?.
Student: Sir, menu eh v pata hai tuhadi umar vich Bhagat Singh fansi chad chuke si.

Santa tube light de neech muh khol ke khada si.
Kiyon…
Kiyon ki doctor ne kaha si: Aj tera pet kharaab hai, light hi khana.

Ik kudi class vich bohot late aayi.
Master: Tu late kiyon aai?
Kudi: Masterji ik munda mera picha kar riha si.
Master: Par biba, tu late kyon hoi?
Kudi: Masterji, oh munda bohot hole hole chal riha si.

Punjabi Boy: Main tere nal shaadi nahi kar sakda. Ghar wale mana kar rahe ne.
Punjabi Girl: Ghar vich kon kon hai.
Punjabi Boy: 1 bivi te 3 bacche.

Santa: Go and water the plants.
Servant: it is already raining.
Santa: So what? Take an umbrella and go.

Santa apni ne apni girlfriend ko I love you kaha aur gir gaya
Girl: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa : I am falling in love.

Santa: Zindagi mein bahut si aisi chhoti chhoti cheezein hain jo bahut bada dard de jati hain
Banta: Wo kaise?
Santa: agar yakin na ho to alpin per baith kar dekh.

Judge: Is Sardar ke dono kaan kaat Do!
Santa:nahi main andha ho jaunga!
Judge: Bewkuf andha kaise hoga?
Santa:Main CHASHMA kaise pehnuga?

Santa aur uski wife kahin ja rhe the. raste main ek gadha mila.
Wife: Tumhare Ristedar hai, Namaste to karo.
Santa: Namaste SASURJI.

Teacher: Maria please point toAmerica on the map.

Maria: This is it.

Teacher: Well done. Now class, who foundAmerica?

Class: Maria did.

Monu: Oye, tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?

Sonu: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.

Santa: My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog!

Banta: Oh! That’s terrible.

Santa: Yes, it was sad to watch the dog die in convulsions.

Raju ped pe chada to upar baithey Bandar ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya?

Raju: Apple khane.

Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.

Raju: Pata hai, Apple saath laya hoon.

Patient: What is the cost of plastic surgery?

Doctor: It is near about 10,000$.

Patient: Well, what if we arrange the plastic?

A pig Goes to GUINNESS BOOK OFFICE to check , that he is still the Most

Ugly animal on earth or Not?

He came out angrily and shouted – Ye saali Mayawati Kaun hai ?

Laxman apni wali ghar chhod gya.

Rawan dusre ki utha laya.

Hanuman ki apni to thi nhi magar

dusre ki khojne me Lanka jala dali.-

Ram ko apni wapas pane ke liye 10 din tak yudhdh

karna pada.

or end me kya hua?

Jis biwi ke kaarann itni badi Ramayann hui wo undrground ho gayi.

Sonu: What is the difference between WATCH & WIFE ?

Monu: watch bigadti hai to ‘BAND ‘ ho jati hai aur wife bigadti hai to ‘SHUROO’ ho jati hai.

Doctor : App ka aur aapki biwi ka BLOOD GROUP ek hi hai.

Man : Hoga kyon nahi? 25 saal se mera khoon jo pee rahi hai.

Train mein Raju ke 50 Rs. kho gaye….

tabhi ek musalmaan bola : ya allah BISMILLAH

Raju : abe saale, tujhe 20 mila, to baki 30 kisko mila?