Jokes Sms

Doctor: Aapko aisi dawa dunga ki aap fir se jawan ho jayengi.
Old woman: Nahi beta aisa mat karma, varna meri pension band ho jayegi.
Ladka: Tum mere sapno me khwabon me jazbato me rahti ho
Ladki: Bhaiya aapko kisi ne bewkoof banaya hai,
mai toh haryana mein rahti hoon.

Sardar to friend: Guess how many
coins I have in my pocket?
Friend: If I guess right, u give me 1?
Sardar: Oji, I will give both of them.

Kasam se har ladke ko bhula dungi,
Sabki tasveerain jala dungi,
Ek tum hi rahoge is dil main,
Balance dalwa do tumhe dua dungi.

Marathi Sms

Jevha tula aagdi ekta vaatel
Najre samor dhuka vaatel
Aaspaas konich disnar naahi
Saagle jaag andhuk houn jail
Tevha tu majhya kade ye
Me tula
Dolyanchya doctor kade gheun jain

Ekada don mitra,1 Hindu ani dusra Musalmaan, rastyane barobar challe astaat. Tevdhyat, tyanna rastyat vis(20) rupayaachi note disate. Musalmaan mitra ekdaam excite houn mhanto,
“Bis Milaah!!” Tyavar Hindu mitra chidun manto, “dus tulla, dus malla!!!!!”

Priye
Tu mala havi aahes
Majya sobat
Ekhadya chanshya hotel madhe
aikache aahet te
Premache teen shabda.
Ek Sardaarji tyachya sundar bahinila scootar varun geun chalala asto. Tevdhyat kahi targat mule tyachya bahinila baghun mhantaat,” yaar, kya bivi mili hai sardaar ko!!” Sardaarji te aikto ani khup chidto, to scooter park karto ani tyanna mhanto, Aare saale, bivi hogi teri! Vo to meri behen hai!

Sms Jokes

Gadha jo khaaye wo Ghaas ho tum,
Buddhe ka Chyawanpraash ho tum,
Idiot, stupid, bakwaas ho tum,
Par jo bhi ho yaar, Dost Jhakaas ho tum.

Hum pagal aapke pichhe
aap pagal kisi or ke pichhe
koi or pagal hamare pichhe
Saare pagal aage pichhe.

Sanju: Roz Subah 50 ladkiya mera intezar karti hain
Raju: Vo kaise?
Sanju: Main girls collage bus ka Driver hu na isliye.

Bandar ki Beti – Papa muje bhi shadi karni hai.
Bandar – Beti sabra karo, Dulha abhi sms padh raha hai, padh ke muskraye to samjo rishta pakka.

Teacher : Now Tintumon, tell me frankly. Do you say prayers before eating?
Tintumon : No sir, my mom is a good cook.

Tintumon : Amma parayunnadhu varunna marumol nalla rich aaganam,bangi venam,padippum joliyum venam, veetu joligal ariyanam ennokeyanu

Kittu : idhu kettappol aval,kukku endhu paranju?

Tintumon : avalkage oru demande ullu… ente ammede photo chumaril irikkunnadhu kaananam..

TintuMon: Dad, there is a small PTA meeting @ school 2mrw..
Dad: Wat do u mean by ‘small’ PTA meeting ?
TintuMon: Ya, just u, me & d Principal.

Teacher: Tumhare papa 500 rupees loan lete hain aur10% interest ke hisab se vo 1 saal bad loan vapis karte hain. Batao kitne paise vapis karenge?
Bania’s son: Kuchh bhi nahi.
Teacher: Tum maths nahi jante?
Bania’s son: Me to maths janta hu, par aap mere papa ko nahi jante.

Paagal 1: main Taj Mahal ko khrid lunga
Paagal 2: main use abhi bech nahi rahaa hu.

Boy: kal main tumhare ghar gaya tha, lagta hai hamari shaadi nahi hogi.
girl: kyu? pappa se mile the kya?
Boy: nahi, tumhare behan se milaa tha.

Examiner Sanju se: ye kya hai? tumne khaali paper kyu diya hai?
Sanju : safai ke liye 5 marks hai isliye.

Sanju: Raju, dekho yeh murde kitne aaraam se apni kabron mein sote hain.

Sare murde uth khad hue aur bole: Kyon na soye, yeh jagah apni jaan de ke hasil ki hai.

Girl: Do you know, married men live longer than single man do?
Boy: Do you know married men are a lot more willing to die?

First friend: Dear, i love lipsticks, they are very tasty.
Next Day..
Second friend: You are liar, i bought 10 lipsticks and ate them.

Ek bhakt ashram me ja ke swami ji se bola: Swami ji, mera Puja e mann nai lagta,
kya karu?
Swami Ji: Us Puja ko mere pas bhej do, shayad mera man lag jaye.

Ravan ne Ram Ji se mafi mangne ka faisla kiya aur Ayodhya aaya.
Door knock kiya.
Ram Ji ne door khola.
Ravan Stands Thinking
Guess What?
Kis Mooh Se Maafi Maangu?

Ek pakistani sadak pe red light jump karta hai.
Police officer: Kya tum ko red light nazar nahi aayi.
Pakistani: Red light to nazar aai thi, par aap nazar nahi aaye.

Judge: Tum apni limit cross kar rahe ho.
Lawyer: Kaun saala aisa kehta he?
Judge: Tum ne muje sala bola?
Lawyer: Nahi my lord, maine pucha KAUN sa LAW aisa kehta he?

SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.
1.Strength:My wife, Jeeto.
2. Weakness:Banta’ s wife, Preeto.
3 .Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.
4. Threat: When I am on tour.

1st Pagal: “Mujhe Katrina ne shadi ke lye haan bol di hai”
2nd Pagal: “Dikha di na usne apni auqat.
Main bhi itni asani se talaaq nahi dunga.

Beggar ek Aadmi se: 10rs. dedo sahib, girlfriend ko phone karna hai.
Aadmi ki girlfriend: dekho, bhikaari bhi apni girlfriend ko kitna pyar karta hai.
Beggar: nahi memsahab, use pyar karne ke baad hi main bhikhaari ban gaya.

Teacher: 5 mark lekar bhi tum hass kyon rahe ho?
Student: main ye soch kar hass raha hu ki wo 5 marks bhi kaise mile?

Teacher: Tumhari Maa ka naam kya hai?
LKG student: Mummy.

A donkey kicked sardar and ran away
sardar ran to catch the donkey.
He saw a zebra and started beating it and said
sala Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai.

1st man: Why are you heating the knife.
2nd man: To do suicide.
1st man: But why are you heating it?
2nd man: To prevent infection

Teacher: Agar dharti pe pani na hota to kya hona tha.
Bania ka beta: Hum to kangaal ho jate. Mera papa milk me kya milate?

.

Anath Ashram Manager to Mr. sharma: Sethji, aap hamare anath ashram ke liye kya kar sakte ho ?
Mr. sharma: Mein anath ashram mein apne 4 bachhe bhej sakta hu.

Beggar: Kuch khaane ko do!
Pandit: Tamatar Khao
Beggar: Roti do baba
Pandit: Tamatar Khao
Beggar: Tamatar hi khila do
Pandit’s Wife: Ye Totla keh rahe he KAMAKAR KHAO .

Wife: Hey! look at that funny guy who has drunk a lot..
Husband: Who is he?
Wife: Well, 5 years ago, he was my boy friend and i denied him for marriage.
Husband: Oh my god! He is still celebrating his freedom.

Teacher: Why are you late?
Girl : One boy was following me, sir.
Teacher: So, What?
Girl : That boy was walking very slow.

Raj to Shopkeeper: – Mujhe India ka flag dikhao.
Shopkeeper ne flag dikhaya,
Raj: – Isme aur colour dikhao.

Anju: Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
Manju: Ok
Anju: A white horse fell in the mud.

Police wale ne carwale ko rokate hue kaha- “yeh suraksha week hai, Aap belt pehan

kar car chala rahe hain, isliye aapko Rs 5,000 ka inaam dia jata hai.

Aap is inaam ka kya karoge ?”

Car driver- “mein iss inaam se apna driving license banwaunga.

Kal guzre lamho se mulakat ho gayi

kuch tute sapno se baat ho gayi

yaad aa gaye kuch kisse purane

or ankho me aasuoan ki barsat ho gayi.

One sided love never fly high,

one day it will die.

so never try and never cry

for the love which easily dry.

I have no pearl to gift you,

I have no diamond to give you,

I have no flowers to send you,

but

I have 3 beautiful words to say u